Each person understands each term according to his or her mentality. The problem is that our mentality seems so obvious to us that we take for reality what in truth is nothing more than our way of understanding reality. Moreover, our mentality and worldview permeates everything. We recognize the principles of our thinking in every event and we read the events of agreement to our mentality.

Just as we all assume when we wake up in the morning that the law of gravity will continue to work, so we think that our mentality is there as an obvious reality. Yesterday the law of gravity was working, surely if no one changes it overnight, the next day it will be there. So it is with our mentality.

Whitehead, mathematician and philosopher, said that each generation assumes the principles of the previous generation without questioning them. Those principles are simply there, almost more real than mountains or rivers. Just as we breathe the air, we assume such principles. But you could say: "in the beginning it was not like that...".

This mentality means that everything is understood from that mentality. Have you ever passed a photo of a landscape and you have order to discover where the horse or giraffe is and no matter how hard you look and look, the animal does not appear? And then when you find it, you say: "Wow! It was really big. Well, the same thing happens with our mentality: we do not question and although they put before our eyes something very obvious we remain blind to reality. Someone said that "there is no one more blind than he who does not want to see".

Thus, according to our mentality, we interpret the terms. In the present case, we are concerned with the term self-esteem. In the dominant mentality, self-esteem is understood as that positive self-evaluation . An affective perception that one has of oneself. In this case, it is thought that if others value a person, he/she will end up valuing him/herself. Hence so many recommendations that come out of certain coaching: 'you can do it', 'you are worth it' or certain advice that incite the ears of our children with 'how great you are', 'you are good'. There are even situations in which it is proposed that the teacher puts the child in the center so that the rest of the classmates say nice things to him/her.

I will reserve the merciless criticism that comes to me in the face of such a repertoire of pretty words. I will limit myself to saying that 'in the beginning it wasn't like that'. That is not self-esteem. To understand self-esteem, the good kind, you have to look at children's games.

What games do young children play and what are the games that they have invented and played? I am not referring to the games that children play by copying the games of their elders, for example soccer. Children can play soccer but that is not a representative game of their games. What do children play? I have not seen adults playing such games. What do children's games have in common? In a laconic way I could say that they serve no purpose and that's why they have so much value. What is left after playing tag or mommy and daddy? Nothing. They are games that produce nothing beyond the game itself. The value of the game is to play. But it is a non-productive game.

This is a game that is only worthwhile because being together is worth it, it is the enjoyment of being together, because the life of one is meaningful to the other. Can you understand why it is important for a father to play with his children? If a father plays with his child it is only for one reason: the child as a child and for nothing else is worth it in itself, because his presence is the joy and enjoyment of the father. Then the child discovers that he/she is significant to the other. This is the basis of self-esteem, the good one. Self-esteem is not given because the other just praises me, but because one discovers that what he/she gives, and beyond what he/she gives, he/she himself/herself is significant for the other. By the way, this was already said by Erikson who, although not 'in the beginning', was someone free from the current mentality.

That list of compliments, if the child believes them, will simply make foolish children, and when the child discovers the falsity of the compliments, he will feel despised. I insist, self-esteem will grow when the fruit of our work and beyond work, oneself, is considered meaningful to the other, because one sees that it certainly is, not because the other says it is. The child will discover the truth for himself. Although they may be treated as fools, they are quite clever at discovering the falsity of a pretended love.

So, if you want your children to have self-esteem, the good kind, please play and enjoy with your children. They will know how to read the significance of such a game in the day to day of their beautiful little lives.