Francis opened the Synod on the family by speaking of dreams and utopias, of fears and generosity (cf. Homily at the opening Mass of the Synod., 4-X-2015).

Drawing from liturgical texts, he developed his argument in three steps: the drama of loneliness, the love between man and woman, and the meaning of family.

Adam experienced loneliness (cf. Gen 2:20) and that is why God created Eve. Today many men and women experience loneliness, despite our globalized world, which in many places enjoys sophisticated means, and advertises unlimited pleasure and freedom.

"There are more and more people who feel lonely, and those who lock themselves up in selfishness, in melancholy, in destructive violence and in slavery to pleasure and the god of money". Today we live in a certain sense that experience of Adam: we have more power but accompanied by so much loneliness and vulnerability. And the status of the family is the image of that original loneliness:

"Less and less seriousness in carrying on a solid and fruitful relationship of love: in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, for better and for worse. Long-lasting, faithful, upright, stable, fertile love is increasingly mocked and regarded as old-fashioned. It would seem that the most advanced societies are precisely those that have the lowest percentage of birth rate and the highest average of abortions, divorces, suicides and environmental and social pollution".

2. Love between man and woman. Man - the Pope continues - needs someone to help him (cf. Gen 2:18), to correspond to him, to love him, to bring him out of his loneliness and sadness, to allow him "to share his path with another person who is his complement; to live the extraordinary experience of love: that is, to love and be loved; and to see his love fruitful in his children".

Such is God's dream from the beginning, which Jesus takes up and summarizes in the Gospel: "At the beginning of creation God created them male and female. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh" (Mk 10:6-8; cf. Gen 1:27; 2:24).

Faced with the question that had been addressed to him about the lawfulness of divorce, probably with a twisted intention -since the crowd present practiced divorce as something consolidated-, Jesus answers in a simple and unexpected way, reestablishing the truth of the origin.

In the words of Francis, "God blesses human love, it is he who unites the hearts of a man and a woman who love each other and unites them in unity and indissolubility. This means that the goal of married life is not only to live together, but also to love each other forever. Jesus thus re-establishes the original and originating order".

3. The meaning of family. Therefore, Jesus' exhortation "what God has joined together, let no man put asunder" (Mk 10:9) is addressed to believers to "overcome every form of individualism and legalism, which hides a petty selfishness and the fear of accepting the authentic meaning of the couple and of human sexuality in God's plan".

In saying this, the Pope is well aware that these are the main difficulties that keep young people away from marriage, and that arise in them or in the society around them: individualism, legalism, selfishness, fear. 

And with this Francis arrives at the heart of his argument, which is situated at the opposite pole and as a response to each of these difficulties, by means of a central and repeated thesis : "Only in the light of the madness of the gratuitousness of the paschal love of Jesus will the madness of the gratuitousness of a unique and usque ad mortem conjugal love be comprehensible".

In fact, only true love - that is, love that is gratuitous and ready to give and sacrifice itself for the other beyond rationalistic or pragmatic calculations, and beyond what must be done by mere convention or legal rule - is what overcomes evil selfishness and the fear of commitment. Fear that, by the way, can be due to lack of economic means; at other times, on the contrary, to excess of means, as happens in the welfare society.

Marriage is for God a "dream," certainly, but not a utopia. The Pope observes how paradoxically man today often ridicules this plan, while at the same time "he remains attracted and fascinated by every authentic love, by every solid love, by every fruitful love, by every faithful and perpetual love". For though he may chase after temporal loves, he dreams of authentic love; though he may run after the pleasures of the flesh, he desires the total submission .

The status is well described by Joseph Ratzinger already in the eighties: "Forbidden pleasures lose their attraction when they are no longer forbidden. Even if they tend to the extreme and renew themselves to infinity, they are insipid because they are finite things, and we, on the other hand, thirst for the infinite"(Auf Christus schauen. Einübung in Glaube, Hoffnung, Liebe, Freiburg 1989, p. 73).

4. Serving the family: fidelity, truth and charity. In serving the family, Francis concludes, the Church wishes to do so under the sign of fidelity to her Master. This means defending faithful love and encouraging the living of a love that manifests divine love, defending the sacredness of life, and above all, he stresses, "the unity and indissolubility of the conjugal bond as a sign of God's grace and of man's capacity to love seriously".

The Church also desires "to live her mission statement in the truth that does not change according to passing fashions or dominant opinions. The truth that protects man and humanity from the temptations of self-referentiality and of transforming fruitful love into sterile selfishness, faithful union into a temporary bond".

With a second reference letter to the Pope Emeritus, "without truth, charity falls into mere sentimentality. Love becomes an empty shell to be filled in arbitrarily. This is the fatal risk of love in a culture without truth"(Benedict XVI, Encyclical Caritas in veritate,3).

In third place comes Francis' most frequent accent: the Church is "called to live her mission statement in charity that does not point a finger to judge others, but - faithful to her nature as a mother - feels the duty to seek out and heal wounded couples with the oil of welcome and mercy; to be 'field hospital', with doors open to welcome whoever calls asking for financial aid and support; even more, to go out of her own enclosure towards others with true love, to walk with wounded humanity, to include it and lead it to the source of salvation."

He concludes by insisting that it is necessary to unite doctrinal and moral principles and precepts with healing and Education in authentic love, the condemnation of error and evil together with understanding and the search, welcome and accompaniment of those who fall or make mistakes (cf. John Paul II,speech to Italian Catholic Action, December 30, 1978); "because," Francis points out, "a Church with closed doors betrays herself and her mission statement, and instead of being a bridge she becomes a barrier".

So it is. The thirst and nostalgia, the fascination and attraction, the eternity and infinity of an authentic love can be considered a dream in the eyes of a dwarfed society. But, let us remember when we think of marriage and family, it is not a utopia. It is a project, however, which implies a certain Degree of "gratuitous madness". Without it, there is no authentic love or fascinating adventure.