2020_04_21_ICS_beltramo

Carlos Beltramo, philosopher and doctor in Education, is researcher of the project 'Education of the affectivity and human sexuality' of the Institute for Culture and Society (ICS) of the University of Navarra. 

As he explains, confinement due to the Covid-19 pandemic is an opportunity to discover ourselves, our family and friends, and to develop and put on internship virtues such as resilience, patience and forgiveness. 

He believes that these difficult circumstances can make us give the best of ourselves "so that tomorrow, which will be a historical challenge, we can build a society that is more understanding and humane, and less accelerated and materialistic.

Experts agree that the family is a school of virtues. What values are we seeing in the front line?
Confinement can be a point of meeting, an opportunity to develop virtues. In the first place are resilience, the ability to overcome adversities, and patience, to face the differences and frictions that arise in such a prolonged and intense coexistence.

For many families, the little space they have at their disposal is a question without solution. That is why it is very useful to try to maintain order in the way we dress, clean ourselves, distribute our activities during the day, try to exercise... People who have lived through much harsher confinement than ours - concentration camps, prisons or kidnappings - agree that maintaining a certain discipline throughout the whole process financial aid helps us not to lose our bearings. As Admiral William McRaven says in a video that was already viral before confinement: "Making your bed in the morning is the first step to changing the world".

How can we reinforce positive attitudes in children and correct the negative ones we detect these days?
Our children have come to play a leading role in our daily lives that perhaps they did not have before. In other circumstances we used to dedicate a good part of our time to work, but now we have our children at position continuously. Of course, we have to see it as an opportunity: it will certainly be hard, but we will see results we can be proud of for a long time to come.

First of all, the most important thing is for the parents to be at agreement. Now they have time to sit down and talk: first focusing on the day-to-day life of the quarantine. In the end, they will probably end up talking about high school, religion, Economics , family, expectations about these children... 

The second thing is to maintain a certain discipline: parents must comply with the schedule and the order they expect from their children. Once a small routine is established at home, exceptions can be made to help relax the atmosphere. But if everything is exceptions from the beginning, tedium will quickly gain our home and we will have a bigger problem.

What are the next steps?
Third, parents have to accompany their children in the finding and acceptance of their emotions as something natural. It is normal for them to have emotional and affective bumps, and it is good for them to know that. We must get involved, try to find out with them why they feel a certain way and respond with empathy. Parents are called to be the source of emotional balance in our children, with our words, with a hug, with caresses.

Finally, it is necessary to help them so that their attitudes are motivated by virtues, regardless of the status in which they find themselves. It is about living in a positive way this time and promote order, tolerance, forgiveness, dialogue, self-improvement and many more. It is a good time to remember that to be virtuous is not not to make mistakes - not even not to explode from time to time - but to be able to get back on track, ask for forgiveness if necessary, and return again and again to the best objectives.

One of the most difficult issues for many people is to adapt to the transition between the accelerated life we used to lead and the withdrawal towards the interior. What advice do you give to learn to be with oneself?
Except in very pathological cases, the feeling of anguish at being alone with oneself is temporary. Normally we live far from our vital intimate center and we do not do introspection exercises because we are terrified of it. But now many of the factors of distraction have disappeared or greatly diminished -even series or video games tire us quickly or lose their appeal-. We have a great opportunity to go into that tunnel that is ourselves. And if we dare, once we overcome the first moment, we will be able to experience a great well-being.

This is the time to clear our emotional and affective attic. Talk to ourselves, reflect on what we can improve and how to do it -be more compassionate, more helpful, more empathetic, less judgmental of others-. It is a wonderful opportunity to learn the extent of our strengths and limitations and to discover our deepest selves. We will see that we are better than we thought and that we have more resources than we thought to overcome our shortcomings.

And to learn to be with others?
In the book The Communication of Existence, Ignas Leep states that it is one thing to talk and another to communicate, to bring into play who we are as people. In our routines we must find spaces to communicate on this deep and authentic level with those who are close to us: to look into each other's eyes and begin to really know ourselves and others. After-dinner conversations can be extended without haste and amazing and very rewarding things can come out of them: the juice of life. And with those who are far away, we can use the means at our disposal to initiate dialogues with more depth, even if we continue to pass memes about the pandemic to each other, because everything counts. Curiously, during the isolation we are having the possibility of recovering a more staff, more rewarding communication. 

And one thing that is especially important at this time is to learn to ask for forgiveness and to forgive. Acknowledging past offenses to others, putting unresolved issues on the table, dialoguing calmly and forgivingly, freeing the inner and outer channels to communicate. It is a magnificent time to value what really matters.

What uplifting things can help us fill our hours?
There is time to take up activities we used to enjoy, such as painting, writing, playing an instrument, and discovering new ones. And also to take care of our house, especially the details we had pending: hang the painting we had kept, fix the squeaky door, tidy up the storage room... That generates wellbeing, a feeling of having a little more control over the status.

It is not superfluous to repeat what has been said a lot: avoid information intoxication, especially that which abounds on the most negative aspects of the status. It is necessary to be informed but choosing well the source, even comparing some position with another, but better to set a time limit to consult online newspapers or social networks. It is a good time to choose some more in-depth reading. It can be a novel or a essay, but the important thing is that it has spiritual values and shows overcoming staff... And, those who have faith, can take it as an occasion for prayer and meditation. It is about filling the "tank" of positive contributions, of peace, of strength for the world to come.

How will all this impact society once we leave our homes?
A status like this exposes the strengths and weaknesses of society. The vast majority of the population has understood what is at stake in the pandemic and is respecting the confinement. Others are going further and risking their lives: doctors, staff healthcare, all those who support the network food supply, the staff cleanup, law enforcement. Of course, there are also bad examples of people harassing others to leave their homes, for fear of contagion. The epidemic sample the best and the worst, you have to learn to deal with it.

The pace of our lives had made us focus on ourselves, as if we could "save ourselves". This pandemic, although it has isolated us in our homes, has made us more supportive and aware of the importance of community. People have not isolated themselves only because they are afraid of what might happen to them, but also because of what might happen to the elderly and the sick, or to the healthcare professionals who care for them. 

Thus, we have not only seen heroic acts among health workers, policemen or priests: ordinary citizens are also giving a lot and that keeps spirits high. 

What do you recommend to face the "after"?
These days, it is important to gather virtues and positive thoughts. They will help us to rebuild the world after this pandemic that will mark a before and after in history. The immediate future will be difficult. The great crisis that we are already beginning to experience will force us, as humanity, to look differently at many of the rules of the game that until two months ago were unquestionable. We will all have to participate, this will not only be a question of the State of one country or another, but of all citizens. If we put on internship the virtues that we develop in this time of pause in our lives, we can help to create a more understanding and humane society, less accelerated and materialistic. The challenge is great but I think that together we can do it.