2019_09_30_ICS_fatas

"To resolve any conflict with our partner it is necessary to feel emotionally secure with her". This was stated at the University of Navarra by Lola Fatás, director of the Gabinete de Terapia de Pareja de Zaragoza, at the framework of a lecture that she has given at the Institute for Culture and Society (ICS) under the degree scroll 'Emotion Focused Therapy (TFE): a model of intervention with couples based on adult attachment'.

As she explained, this adult attachment perspective is useful for managing stressful situations because "it allows us to understand how we react emotionally in moments of stress and conflict in the relationship and to handle complicated conversations, realizing what is happening to each member of the couple". She also added that it contributes to "finding safer and more loving ways of communicating so that our partner can respond to us better and understand our needs".

The expert recalled that spouses "need each other emotionally even when they are going through difficulties" and that "when we chronically feel that we cannot count on our partner or that he or she rejects us, it affects us deeply". 

For moments of increased tension, she recommended the simple strategy of counting to ten: "financial aid to remember that it is insecurity and conflict that is leading our partner to react in this way that makes us feel unimportant or rejected. He loves us, but at that moment he cannot show it to us". 

"If we realize we're getting caught up in the fight, the best thing to do is to stop there together to calm down, and make sure we pick up the conversation at another time," he said.

Important topics such as children or the family Economics

Lola Fatás assured that TFE is a very useful approach for couples experiencing difficulties, since "we are living in an era in which spouses have to negotiate practically everything". In this sense, he pointed out that dealing with important issues such as the Education of the children or the family Economics "is difficult because our personal values about the family and the couple come into play. This is when we most need to give our partner a message of affection, respect and acceptance. 

The specialist reminded us that it is possible to reach agreements even if we disagree "if we can be emotionally present for each other and respond in a safe way", issues on which TFE works. 

Finally, he referred to the pioneering clinical essay that the ICS of the University of Navarra is going to develop to validate the model of the TFE in the Spanish-speaking world: "Attachment relationships exist in all couples, in all human relationships, regardless of the culture in which we find ourselves. This study will help to ensure that the high standards of evidence-based KET internship are also maintained in Spanish-speaking countries".

Lola Fatás has intervened in a lecture series promoted by the project 'Education of the affectivity and human sexuality' of the ICS. It aims to offer a space for reflection and dialogue around five words that make reference letter to different ways of approaching the reality of bonding with others from the psychological perspective: attachment, parenthood, psychotherapy, violence and emotions.